


rainy days

by Eoki



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Sanvers - Freeform, how dare I write this, like a shit load of angst, read this if you wanna die a lil inside
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-24
Packaged: 2018-10-05 04:55:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10297994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eoki/pseuds/Eoki
Summary: Everyone loves rainy days, except for Maggie Sawyer.orjust a really angsty sanvers twoshot.





	1. rainy days

**Author's Note:**

> i dunno if anyone's ever written this before bcus i haven't read any sanvers fics  
> but i was facing a little existential crisis ok  
> suffer with me i cried writing this to pierce the veil's disasterology on repeat.  
> edit: look this was my "i wanna cry and write something angsty at 4am" fic ok

“ Hey Danvers, I brought your favourite flowers. “ Maggie smiles as she holds a bouquet of tulips in her hands.

“ Thanks Sawyer, you know me well. “ a surreal voice replies.

“ Of course I do, it’s been a while but how could I ever forget? “ Maggie retorts with the softest laugh, it’s the kind of laugh that Alex Danvers would _die_ for.

The detective shuffles her feet uncertainly and looks up to the sky. Grey clouds are amassing overhead, and the frigid air is saturated with a whiff of a rainy day. There was a light downpour earlier in the day, but it stopped long enough for the cop to leave her apartment.

“ The sky looks the same as it was that day, “ Maggie comments, “ I suppose everything’s the same, _except for us_. “

The detective kneels on the wet grass, she looks at the headstone and some part of her still clings onto a thread of hope that the name carved on it is not who it’s supposed to be. But it’s not, she places the bouquet of flowers on the fresh grave of _Alexandra Danvers_.

“ Kara somehow forced me out of your apartment, “ a humourless laugh escapes her throat, “ she caught me talking to myself the other day. “

Her hands brush against the headstone lightly, as if it’s the most precious thing in the world. Though that’s not possible, because she has already lost the most precious thing to her. A bullet passed cleanly through her head, and Maggie still sees Alex’s body collapsing on the floor so vividly every night.

“ I don’t know when, but I started talking to myself a lot lately, maybe it’s the insomnia, “ the detective struggles to speak as her voice starts to crack, “ I’m afraid to go to sleep now because when I wake up … _You’re not there anymore_. “

A faint clap of thunder reverberates through the heavens, and it reminds Maggie of the gunshot that _stole_ the woman she loved away from her.

“ I wish you were still here, Danvers, “ her words come out strangled, she shuts her eyes tightly, wishing with all her heart that when she opens them, the agent would appear in front of her, “ I’m waiting for you to return with a jab all the time, _b-but_ … _there’s never a response._ “

But of course, all of that’s just wishful thinking, she opens her eyelids and sees the same empty cemetery. A drop of rain lands on her love’s headstone, and Maggie sucks in a shaky breath.

“ I miss you, _Alex_. “

This is the first time in a week since that name has left her lips, the first day she’s been here after the funeral, and it feels like her entire universe is falling apart again. _No_ , she already lost her universe, all that’s left to fall apart is herself. Saying her name doesn’t help, it doesn’t help provide any closure to this immense grief and emptiness in Maggie’s chest.

“ _I never got to say it while you were still here, but I hope you know that I love you. “_

_Loved._

Her heart feels heavy with regret, they had something good, something pure, and with a snap of a finger, it’s all _gone_. More drops of rain begin to land, on her pants and on her leather jacket. Maggie stands, she plants a soft kiss on the headstone before turning to leave. Pulling the ends of her leather jacket closer to her body, she prays that the rain doesn’t wash away _Alex’s_ scent.

Maggie knows if she turns back, she’d never leave, but she still stops in her tracks anyway.

_“ See you around, Danvers. “_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come yell at/with me so i can get out of this existential crisis mood  
> @ damnsawyer.tumblr.com  
> thnks for reading xo.  
> edit: HELLO I'M SORRY IF I MADE YOU CRY WITH ME I ADDED MORE WARNINGS IN THE TAGS OK.  
> anyway i hope you enjoyed dying a little inside with me.


	2. when morning comes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it was either her or alex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah sweet 5am angst (it's 6am now fml)  
> originally intended for it to be a one shot but my hand slipped because i wanted to write angst.  
> anyway uhm i hope you like it?

“ _Danvers?_ “ Maggie gasps, unable to believe her eyes as she lowers her weapon.

A flash of lightning illuminates the room and Alex is standing in front of her with no apparent injuries, and her favourite alien gun in her hand. The agent has been missing for an entire week after a run-in with Cadmus, and Maggie still blames herself for letting them take her. The detective chokes up with relief at the mere sight of her girlfriend, she hasn’t been able to sleep without the presence of Alex.

But there’s something in Alex’s gaze that hold a tinge strangeness and unfamiliarity. Her brown orbs are dull, empty, _like life ceased to exist within them_. A stark contrast to her usual eyes because Maggie _knows_ what they looked like. When she looks into them, she knows that _this is the girl destined for her_ , and there’s nobody that could tell her otherwise. Yet when a strong feeling of uneasiness resonates within the cop, her instincts are eclipsed by her emotions.

“ _Alex?_ “, Maggie allows her lips to crack into a hopeful smile, “ it’s me. “

A low rumble of thunder sounds in the distance and the agent remains static, the gleam in her eyes scares Maggie more than she’s willing to admit. The detective’s palms are sweating and they feel warm against the cool metal of her gun.

The cop’s voice is mixed with confusion and worry as she speaks, “ _Alex_ , what’s going on? “

The sky begins to pour, though they are indoors, the raindrops are deafening in the silent room. Alex stares at her, unblinking, without any signs of emotion. Her arms move to aim the gun at the detective, as if she’s under someone else’s control. Maggie’s throat feels unbelievably dry as she looks into the barrel of the gun. _Alex isn’t Alex_ , and as much as her mind is telling her so, her heart refuses to accept it.

“ W-What are you doing, _Alex?_ “ Maggie chokes on her words, the pounding in her chest is making it impossible for her to think.

And the only thought that runs through her head is, _Alex is going to kill me._

“ Put the gun down, _Danvers_ “ Maggie forces the words out while she slowly raises her gun till its barrel is level with Alex’s gun, “ I _know_ it’s not you .. “

The detective’s fingers are wrapped firmly around the handle of her gun, maybe a little too tightly and her index finger is nowhere near the trigger.

“ This isn’t you, put the gun down, “ her throat feels constricted and her words come out as a murmur, “ please … _you’re scaring me._ “

Alex’s finger moves and it rests comfortably against the trigger. Fear runs through her veins and it seemingly immobilizes Maggie, she freezes.

Her breathing hitches and she chokes out what she thinks are her last words, “ _Alex_ , don’t do this, please. “

Alex’s gun charges with blue light and Maggie feels like time slowed down. The detective’s eyes are wide open, staring at Alex’s eyes, hoping that they would revert to the shining brown eyes she fell in love with. Even if they didn’t, Maggie finds comfort in knowing that Alex is the last person she’ll see before she dies. She braces herself for the harsh impact of the blast that would kill her, but it never hits.

_Instead, a bullet pierces through the space between Alex’s eyes._

A clap of thunder accompanies the gunshot and Maggie stands static as she watches Alex’s body fall to the ground with a thud, her favourite gun following mere seconds later.

One moment everything seemed to be moving in slow motion, and the next moment she finds herself next to Alex. She doesn’t remember moving from her previous spot to kneeling on the ground.

“ _Alex?_ You’re going to be okay … “ Maggie whispers as she gently shakes Alex’s shoulders, unwilling to believe that the agent is gone.

A drop of tear lands on Alex’s cheek, and Maggie tries to wipe it away, leaving a streak of red on her cheek. When she looks down, she sees that her hands are covered with red and she’s kneeling in a pool of blood.

_Alex’s blood._

“ Come back … come back to me … “ a heavy sob escapes her throat, it’s filled with a different kind of anguish, _one that she’s never felt before and one that she wouldn’t even wish upon her worst enemy._

“ Maggie … I’m sorry, “ a familiar voice speaks from behind, it’s laced with the same kind of agony, “ but I could see no other way. “

Maggie doesn’t bother turning, _how could she face the person who sent the bullet flying straight through her girlfriend’s head?_

As much as she wants to say she understands that it is either Alex or her, she can’t, _she doesn’t_. How could she ever empathize the person who robbed Alex away from her, the only girl she’s ever truly poured her love out to?

“ How could you choose between us? “ Maggie feels a lump inside her throat as she questions, “ how could you choose _me_ instead of … “

The question is more of a why rather than a how, but it’s more rhetorical because she doesn’t think she can handle whatever answer there is if she can’t even say her name.  

 _Alex Danvers_ , the way it echoes in her head feels strangely foreign. But she knows why, _it’s become a name she can’t bear to say or hear anymore._

A week ago, Maggie still held her girlfriend while she slept. Now all she has left is a scent and memories that are begging to be locked away. Maggie always liked sleeping over at Alex’s apartment, she’d _always_ get a good night’s rest. She attributes it to the fact that she sought solace in the agent’s presence.

_But now that Alex is gone, Maggie doesn’t sleep anymore._

She wonders if they’ll meet again in her dreams. When she shuts her eyes, she dreams of a life with her girlfriend, but when sunlight streams through the windows, she’s greeted by the empty space where Alex used to lay.

So Maggie doesn’t sleep, because she’d rather have Alex’s death replaying in her head over and over again than to dream of her, alive and well, _only to lose her again when morning comes._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt cry writing this chapter so i guess its not as bad as the first one?  
> if you read the first chapter (idk y u wudnt wyd man go read it pls), this is pretty much the death scene.  
> i'll leave it up to you to picture who shot the gun, but i don't think it's hard to guess who i had in mind djlkjdsf  
> anw hmu on tumblr if u wanna i guess, damnsawyer.tumblr.com  
> xo


End file.
